Thoughts on Birthdays

so here’s the thing about birthdays, every year i hear people complain that they hate theirs and usually i’m in that boat. however, this past year has been amazing for my transformation into this butterfly thing i’m going for. i always told my friends i want people to see my beauty outside as well as inside. this year, i’m starting to feel beautiful. sure, i have my days of self-doubt but then i realize i’ve done more this year than i have in my whole life. i’ve committed to goal that was nearly impossible when i started, and i’m almost there. i’ve fallen in love deeper than i ever would’ve thought i could’ve. when my friendships were tested, my friendships just grew even more. i’ve seen 1% more of the world than i ever would’ve thought. when knocked down on my face, i’ve stood up and tackled the problems head on. i’ve got a set of lady balls on me now. who woulda thought? with that being said, i want this next year to be amazing. i want to do all these things and more. i also want to thank everyone who has been in my life from my best friends and soulmates (you know who you are!) to my enemies (you also know who you are!). everyday you inspire me. everyday i want to be better because of you and because of me. i made my wishes for my birthday without the candles, and i hope they come true.

Gratification.

Every time I look at this side-by-side, I feel unbelievable emotions. Guilt for getting as big as I was, as well as uncontrollable excitement at my future at how far I’ve come. With the two-teens looming, I feel my next bit of weight loss will be completely transforming. I feel my life is just starting… this is great. Oh, please note those are the same sweat pants that is all.

Baby Giraffe and I.

I stepped on the scale today and I was down to 220! That means my next big goal of 199 is only 21 lbs away. In the meantime, I did the math with the help of the internet and found out that a baby giraffe weighs 130 lbs, which is what I’ve lost at my heaviest. 115 lbs from my start point though, which apparently is the weight of the complete Encyclopedia Britannica. So, I leave you with a picture of a baby giraffe and me chilling and drinking, which is something we do best.

Ch-ch-changes!

128lbs down. Another 60 to go!

 

Mentally, I still feel 350. It is a constant battle between physical and mental on this journey. It has really started to sink in though when I hold up a pair of old pants, or I try on clothes daringly to see if they fit. Going from a 24/26 to a 14/16 is a HUGE jump though. Not to mention that I’ve lost an Olsen twin, and that is staggering in itself. It is also why I’m choosing to re-start a blogging spot so I can grasp the concept of this, and clear my mind of all the clutter that has been piling up for two years.

Within the past two years, I’ve fallen off the wagon. Actually most of last year was spent in denial that I wasn’t losing weight anymore and that I was regaining what I lost so easily. This year though, this year is definitely special. I’ve pushed myself so hard, and I’m so close to my second huge goal which is to be in Onederland. I have 22 pounds until I’m in Onederland. Yikes! It’s so thrilling, and so scary because I’m already getting massive amounts of attention that sometimes doesn’t feel real to me. Someone from a forum I love to visit daily said that I already look under 200 so the next bit is going to be dramatic and the difference will be unreal.

It is already unreal.

First things first!

After neglecting my old wordpress blog, I’ve decided that I could really benefit from writing my feelings out in full as I’m on the downward slope towards my goal. Yes, goal does not just mean goal so it also is meant to transform into whatever else I need it to be later on down the road. As for now? I’m going to go ahead and re-blog old posts from the other journal so I can feel where I felt nearly two years ago, and where I am at now.